The term adolescence really really speaks volumes to my life. My mother adopted and raised several of her grandchildren, because her daughter was addicted to drugs. So once I returned home from college I moved back and helped her raise them until her demise. I have seen the stages of adolescence change in a numerous amount of ways over the years in multiple different children.
We thought that the girls hormone imbalance was triggered puberty at different points in their lives and we were correct. (Pg 187) puberty is definitely something that happens early and late depending on the child. One of my nieces started getting her. And her body begin to change right around the 11 year mark. However my other niece was well into junior high school before she began to develop. But each one of them shortly after the development of their body started their menstrual cycle.
Now prior to each girls starting their menstrual cycle they were both talked to and explained and given the proper tools to take care of themselves once their cycle started. And one was just fine a little nervous when her started, but the other one cried and wanted to sleep for days. Lol
Shortly after that the true adolescent Behavior begin to trigger the moment that they started High School. They became sexually active one of them got pregnant and the other one dropped out of school. And as a parent you want to believe that you've trained your child well so that when they get into the stages of adolescence they will not depart from what you taught them. See both girls started out in clubs and activities working in our local church voluntary and I'm babysitting from time to time. So this erratic Behavior made us very nervous.
They wanted to have their own identity and their Social Development skills definitely changed. They no longer wanted to be around us ,they wanted to be around their peers. We invited them to share their peers with us and their parents in order for them to have an outside relationship with them. Of course this was not something that they agreed upon, but those were the rules at our home. (Pg194-195) I totally believe that adolescent should pick peers that have their same personal interests and beliefs, however my nieces went in a totally different Arena. They develop cliques and they were with people that we did not agree they could have befriended. They didn't have good reputations and they did not have a good support system at home.
I tried to have a more open relationship considering my mother was Raising teenagers and she still had old-fashioned views. However it was very difficult because once the children started to have questions about sex and by me being a Christian I would always refer them back to the word of God . However their peers didn't have the same relationship with God as my niece is did so they were feeling embarrassed and didn't stand up for their values the way we thought they should have. So if they didn't want to appear as "lames"they gave in to the pressures.
Later after my niece gave birth to her daughter her senior year and my mother had already passed I still in force that she attends school and graduate which she did and go on to college and now that she's 21 and my great-niece is 4 years old my niece realizes the importance of continuing her education in the support system that she has. Or I would say to any parent that is dealing with a teen who struggle in adolescence stage don't give up hope one day they will understand that all that you do and say it's from Love. This is a rough stage the children go through that doesn't help if they have so many different people and things pulling on them while in this stage.
What a great post, Norma. You had a captivating opening paragraph, and have great admiration for you and you mother doing what you could to help out family. The right thing is not always the easiest thing to do.
ReplyDelete"However it was very difficult because once the children started to have questions about sex and by me being a Christian I would always refer them back to the word of God . However their peers didn't have the same relationship with God as my niece is did so they were feeling embarrassed and didn't stand up for their values the way we thought they should have."
This I could relate to personally because I was brought up in the same Christian manner and let's be honest, kids do not buy that and just leads into more pressure. The constant pressure to "fit in" will lead just about anybody to do anything and unfortunately that is a common trend amongst many adolescence.
I applaud you for reaching out and helping your grandmother raise the children. I believe that when a girl begins her menstrual it’s nerve wreaking. I remember I was 11 years old when I began mine and it freaked me out. My mother talked about it but I couldn’t comprehend because I couldn’t imagine going through it. I have all boys and I can honestly say that I don’t have to worry about explaining or dealing with it. My high schooler knows what a girl goes through every month. I think it’s time to talk to my 12-year-old about it. And, even though I don’t have girls to deal with it, my sons need to know how a girl’s body changes.
ReplyDeleteI see that it was hard to lead your nieces through these adolescent stages but sometimes people can only learn the hard way. Peer pressure is definetely one of the many problems that adolescents deal with. As a parent one can only educate them and pray to God that they will make a good choice. I raised my niece as well. By the age of 15, she decided to live with her mother. The mother’s family is known for drug and alcohol abuse. Of course, shortly after turning 16, she dropped out of high school and got pregnant. At times, I felt that the only reason why she didn’t listen to me was because I wasn’t her biological parent. I can say that my niece is an example of a cycle that hasn’t been broken yet. Her mother was 16 years old when she had my niece. I understand that there are people that realize that education is important and eventually pursuit it. Then you have those that don’t want it and don’t understand the importance of it, so they don't care for it.
Great blog Norma! None of the changes are easy for a parent or caregiver. It is even harder on them. The insecurities with body change is not easy to deal with. Developing at different times makes them compare their bodies to their peers. Self confidence can become an issue. My stepdaughter dropped out of school and had a baby her senior year. We tried so hard to get her to make the right choices but, ultimately teens are going to do what they want to do. She is now 19 and we have been trying so hard to have her get her GED. Sometimes I feel like I'm wasting my breath because she rarely takes our advice. All we can do is our best as parents, teachers and caregivers.
ReplyDeleteIt sounds like you both have given them god examples to follow. Knowing they have someone to assist and care for them made them feel a little bit more secure and confident. Sometimes this confidence is a double edge sword because when faced with difficult choices the kids feel they can handle them by themselves. Obviously, they cannot and still need guidance. It sounds like you are living by example and modeling good decision making skills-sooner or later that will be appreciated and translated into actions to better their lives.Keep up the good work!
ReplyDeleteThank you all for the great comments! Its hadn't been easy but so grateful that God choose us!!
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