Wow!! I would like to say "wow" was the first word to come up when I was reading this chapter. Grief was explained as being an emotional response to the loss of a person including feelings of anxiety, despair sadness and loneliness. (248) I can truly attest to this being signs of grief, because I experienced it after the loss of my mother a few years ago. I was very fearful about what was getting ready to happen in the next stage of my life, I depended on her not only financially but emotionally and spiritually. I took on a large responsibility when she passed as well. She had adopted her biological grandchildren and because I had the same heart as she did I kept those children along with another family member. Even after my mom's death and planning her funeral I had to take some time to pause to make sure that I was doing things the way that she would have liked. If I had it all over to do again I would definitely do the same.
Not everyone deals with grief in the same way they are definitely different factors that go into how one processes it. (284) I have a great relationship with God and I did not understand his plan but I trust the process. Which allowed me to be able to deal with her death on a more relational level. I missed her like crazy, however I continue to ask God to give me strength and help direct me and what he saw fit to happen next. If I did not have his guidance and strength I definitely would haven't been able to make it.
Distorted grief was very new to me and I could quite possibly see that occurring if a person wasn't able to deal with the death of a loved one. (286) Even though my mother's death was pretty sudden and unexpected she had discussed prior to her death her wishes. We were very clear that she did not want to be put on life support and have her life dragged out for an extensive amount of time. So a living will is definitely a legal document that's necessary. I would suggest that each person would take the time to have one drawn up and include there family in on their wishes .(289) Her death was the result of congestive heart failure. Even with Her diagnosis she continued to live her life as a strong woman all the way up to her demise. She took vacations, she enjoyed rebuilding her home, and have a close family time with her children and grandchildren and great-grandchildren.
My sister and I held the health care power of attorney which allowed us to make the decisions because she was unable to make them. (289) I've witnessed people fights as a family over what should be done with the loved ones because they didn't have documents and place to help the transition.
Death is very painful so it's important that we all remember that this person live their life a certain way and you should respect that person's values even until death. Now we all know that death is going to happen. The only thing we don't know is the date that it will happen. So it's Our obligation to keep our affairs in line. When I said personal affairs.. I'm covering your spiritual, mental, social, and financial.
I believe if nothing else this chapter should help you put your life into some type of order. If it's the role of a funeral and how you want that to look, if you're dealing with some type of grief from losing a loved one, or your perspectives on how you want people to deal with your death. But the most important part was my spirituality my relationship with God. It made me go back and reflect on is my heart and my soul is pure and if God would be pleased if I was to leave this of today with the way I've lived so far great chapter!!
I'm sorry for your loss . I can't imagine losing a parent . I know it will happen one day but, I hate to even think about that . I agree that death is painful. Having faith in a God will help with the grieving process. I remember questioning God and being mad that he took some of my loved ones and friends . I've learned that God has a plan for all of us. We may not always understand his plan but, we should have faith.
ReplyDeleteI would definitely say cherish the moments you have left with your family especially your parents. It is definitely a hard process and God is definitely in control so we have to remember to trust the process.
DeleteSorry for your loss, I mourn my mother as well. I agree that a living will is necessary, a few years before my mother's death we had to have a serious conversation with her. My sisters and I wanted her to voice out what her wishes were before she wouldn't be able to. It did help, it gave us less stress and pain over deciding crucial things at the end. She stated clear guidelines in her DNR and stated what she wanted as her final standoff. In the midst of mourning and grief it is difficult to make choices, especially ones that will impact your final memories of your loved one.
ReplyDeleteThank you for sharing.
Thanks for sharing I totally agree that a living will is necessary you want to make sure that you're carrying out the wishes of your loved ones. It was difficult to do DNR on my mother even though that was not something that she had wished and it didn't last long because God honored her request because he knew that it was going to be difficult for us if she was around in pain.
DeleteI agree, losses hard. I lost my dad at 4 years old, so the loss is different. I do not remember him at all. I remember stories and videos and pictures. the is is\t. But my grandmother was like my mother, I lost her at 18. That was the toughest loss I have had next to my mother-in-law who just passed in September. it tests your strength and faith for sure. But God is good and has a plan bigger then we can fathom. Just keep the faith.
ReplyDeleteI was four also when my dad passed away to Kim and like you I don't remember him either. I definitely admit that faith is the key doesn't make it easier but it doesn't make it tameable if that makes sense thanks for commenting
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